


Recovery

by noraneptune



Series: The Jeremike AU [14]
Category: Five Nights at Freddy's
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Sexual Assault, Recovery, Smut, not a light-heared read please stay safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:07:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25950337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noraneptune/pseuds/noraneptune
Summary: Memories of sexual assault don’t just magically poof when you get into a relationship that is truly love. Jeremy had his ups. Jeremy had his downs. Mike was there through everything.
Relationships: Jeremy Fitzgerald/Mike Schmidt, Jeremy Fitzgerald/Original Character(s)
Series: The Jeremike AU [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1859005
Kudos: 32





	Recovery

**Author's Note:**

> **THIS WORK DEALS WITH SEXUAL ASSAULT & ABUSE. THIS IS A TRIGGER WARNING.  
> As a victim of sexual assault, I know what relapsing, sex repulsion, and hypersexuality feel like.  
> IF YOU ARE A VICTIM, KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Seek help, you are strong. You are powerful. I love & support you.
> 
> Hotlines  
> US & Canada: 1-888-407-747  
> Overseas: +1 202-501-4444

Mike and Jeremy both had trauma; That was a pretty well-known fact. Exactly what trauma, was less known. 

Jeremy grew up with a less than ideal father figure; One who cheated, lied, left, came back, and put him and his mom through verbal and physical abuse for a good chunk of his childhood. When he left for good, Jeremy was fifteen, still haunted by texts that ranged from supportive to manipulative, and some that managed both. His father was bipolar, which meant he had to be watched for practically his whole life, constant tests, and mental health expert visits to see if he too was bipolar. Bipolarity has a huge genetic component and is very easily passed down between men, which only made the need for keeping Jeremy sane, more important. Most of it mainly came from his mom’s fear that her son would be a carbon copy of someone who had made their lives hell. 

Jeremy was not bipolar. In fact, he seemed almost the exact opposite of his dad in almost every way. His lanky build, his not incredibly deep voice, his stutter, his anxiety- all polar opposite to his father. That was except for one thing.

Jeremy’s eyes. They were often described by his mom to be ‘two shining emeralds’, for their vibrant green color. What Jeremy didn’t realize until later was that they were the exact same eyes, shape and all, that laid in his dad’s head. What used to be his favorite part of him, quickly became another thing he resented more than anything about himself.

If you were moderately close with Jeremy, and you asked him what his most traumatic experience has been, the answer would easily come as his dad. It seemed fairly obvious; Abuse is a traumatic thing and has lasting effects on all parties involved.

What he wouldn’t tell you, would be his first boyfriend.

They say that girls tend to be attracted to traits that their dads’ convey, be it for better or for worse. For Jeremy, as a boy, this fact still held true, in the worst possible ways.

When Jeremy was fifteen, he started dating a sixteen-year-old boy named Elijah, a tall sandy-haired boy who seemed like everything that he wanted in a guy. Coming out to his mom was one of the easiest experiences he had, and one he would forever be grateful for. 

Elijah on the surface was one of the sweetest people at his school and was so genuinely kind to him. He was the first person Jeremy opened up to about his dad, and the abuse that he endured for most of his childhood. He was the first person to not mock Jeremy for his stutter. He was the first person Jeremy ever kissed.

The first few months were complete bliss. They went on dates, they had a secret hideout in the closest park under the bridge, they had nicknames for each other (Jeremy’s was Bear) they made memories, they acted like idiots together, and for the first time, Jeremy felt safe. He felt wanted. He felt loved.

He couldn’t remember the exact day the Elijah he knew became twisted, but he remembered the feeling. Cute nicknames began to morph into snaps to shut up. His stuttering became a constant complaint and chore. His opinion began to matter less.

And that one hit the hardest.

Before or perhaps during (Jeremy couldn’t quite place it) the descent of their relationship, Jeremy lost his virginity. Had it taken a few weeks of convincing? Yes, but Jeremy was happy with the choice he made, because  _ why _ wouldn’t he want to have sex with his boyfriend who cared about him more than anything else? 

Elijah started slowly morphing into someone Jeremy couldn’t really recognize. Well- that was a lie, he  _ did _ recognize him, but it was someone who he thought he had escaped already. Little rules began coming into his life, like, Elijah could check his phone whenever he wanted, they  _ had _ to go out together, no exceptions, or that everything he bought had to go through him first. But,  _ this _ was love. He needed Elijah, and Elijah  _ loved _ him. That was why he was doing these things, to  _ protect _ him.

Jeremy remembered the first time he was sexually assaulted down to the date. It was an engrained reminder of what a fuckup he was. It was after school one day when the pair already had plans to go to Elijah’s house. Jeremy remembered the feeling of the couch. The polyester underneath him would stay with him for seemingly the rest of his life. Jeremy was content; Elijah hadn’t yelled at him today, and his stutter stayed mostly repressed, which meant he was doing good.  _ He  _ was good.

“This show is fucking boring,” The blonde muttered, already rolling over and lightly pushing Jeremy into the couch. Jeremy was tired, he just wanted to relax, and he certainly was not in the mood whatsoever. He opted for not saying anything, something he was praised for quite often by his boyfriend.

“Y’know what’s not boring? Fucking you,”

Teeth had already started digging into his neck, and Jeremy could feel his skin start to crawl.

_ I should want this. I do want this, _

The closer Elijah got to his waist down, the tenser Jeremy became, his whole body freezing up. He stayed wordless. 

_ Elijah would never hurt me. He loves me. I want this, _

Jeremy didn’t know when his pants came off, but before he could really comprehend his surroundings, two fingers roughly slammed into him. Tears pricked his eyes and he let out a cry, a real, deep cry. He tried to stutter out anything he could, but the words could only get blocked in his throat.

“St-St-Sto-St-”

He was cut off by a strong hand firmly covering his mouth.

“Shut the fuck up, Bear, we both know you want this,”

Jeremy slammed his eyes shut as he tried to ignore the blistering pain all over him, and the screams in his mind for everything to end, just fucking  _ end _ .

He couldn’t feel his body anymore, just the fear and agony that overtook him. He couldn’t comprehend anything else. 

He didn’t even realize he finished, but the wave of ‘thank fucking  _ god _ it’s over’ washed over him. After that, his memory faded and was unfinished. He was almost positive Elijah had done something else, but he was almost positive he blocked it from his memory.

Jeremy couldn’t count the number of times he was forced or coerced into sex, and he didn’t want to. When the bursts would happen he would try to think of happier things, maybe what he was going to do the next day, but sometimes he would have to repeat the mantra of “I want this, I want this, I want this,”. 

For the course of a little over a year, the put-downs, the name-calling, and the sexual abuse continued. Jeremy felt trapped, but he felt bad that he felt trapped; Elijah loved him, he cared about him, he wanted to  _ protect _ him. Jeremy constantly told himself this was what love was; This was what he deserved. Elijah was the best he could get.

And his boyfriend repeated those words back to him.

The first time Elijah hit him was during one of their arguments, closer to the end of their relationships. Jeremy had said Elijah was just like his dad. Before he could even blink, he was hit across the face. His only thoughts were ‘this is what love is’. No apology was given. 

In the middle of his sophomore year, Elijah told him his family was moving to LA, and that long-distance wouldn’t work. Jeremy didn’t know a life without Elijah, and he beat himself up for so long at the fact that he was relieved. It took him months to get his sense of worth back. 

Unlike most believe, sexual assault is not something someone can fix for you. Mike knew about Elijah about a month or two before they got together, and his blood literally  _ boiled _ hearing about what Jeremy was put through. Mike was the reason he realized what had happened to him was not love, it was abuse.

Memories of sexual assault don’t just magically poof when you get into a relationship that is  _ truly _ love. Jeremy had his ups. Jeremy had his downs. Mike was there through everything.

Jeremy felt numb. He had just woken up, but he felt like his arms and legs were glued to the mattress. His head hurt. He felt sick, but not because of illness. He felt like a part of him was gone, stolen, and would never come back. There was a version of him that was Mike leaned his shoulder against the door frame, and frowned down at the boy who had been there all morning. He knew Jeremy would rather jump out of the window than have any touch at all. He knew Jeremy would flinch if he tried to hold him, at least during the day.

So instead, Mike moved to lay down facing the ceiling next to the brunette. Jeremy told him what he needed during these times, and at this particular moment, he needed to just be. So, Mike laid next to the brunette as his eyes sunk further in, and he intermittently closed his own.

“Doll, c’mon, we gotta go,” Mike mumbled, head resting on his boyfriend’s shoulder as they stood in their tiny kitchen holding each other. Mike’s hands gingerly rested on Jeremy’s waist, but as he moved his head back to pull away from the hold, they instinctively sunk to the brunette’s hips. The instant his hips were grazed, Jeremy jerked backward, feeling nauseous. The thought of anyone touching any part of him below his waist was just absolutely  _ vile _ to him. He  _ hated _ it. His breathing sped up before Mike took his hands in his and started whispering to him.

“Hey, hey, Doll? Can you breathe for me? It’s me, it’s Mike, Jere,”

Jeremy glanced up to Mike’s concerned eyes.

_ Why the fuck am I like this? God, I’m so fucking- _

Mike pressed gentle kisses around the brunette’s face as he eased back into reality.

“You’re not broken. I promise you. I’m right here, okay? Today is a holding day,”

Jeremy felt tears prick his eyes, but after letting Mike’s words sink in, they seemed to dissipate. He made eye contact with his boyfriend finally and pressed a light kiss to his lips.

“I-I’m sorry,”

“Shh, don’t be. You have absolutely fucking  _ nothing _ to be sorry for,”

Mike gave him a small smile, which led Jeremy to reflect him. He would be okay.

Jeremy was against the door the second the keycard light glowed green and allowed the pair inside. Mike hesitated, glancing up at Jeremy’s eyes for consent to keep going. Jeremy nodded ever so slightly before his lips were devoured by the taller. 

The couple was on a road trip with Chris and Fritz to LA and had to stop at a hotel for the night and finish in the morning. Mike ‘accidentally’ booked two rooms instead of one which led the set of best friends to exchange knowing looks, and roll their eyes before silently not questioning it. 

Over the course of a five and a half-hour drive, with Jeremy in the passenger’s seat and Mike driving, both had created enough sexual tension that Chris leaned forward and pretended to slice the air with his hand (“See this? This is me cutting the fucking sexual tension. We are  _ not _ pulling over to have you guys fuck in a gas station bathroom, so please, kindly, calm  _ down _ ,”).

Now, they were alone, sexually frustrated, and in a new environment for them to mess around.

Mike used his free hand not on Jeremy’s hip to pin his hands above his head on the door and continued to kiss him with everything he could. Jeremy whined at his hands being grabbed so aggressively, and rolled his hips upwards to try and get some sort of friction.

“Where is this happening?” Mike mumbled, moving his hands to meddle with Jeremy’s belt.

“I fully exp-expect you to fu-fuck me over every piece of fur-furni-furniture in this room,” Jeremy whispered breathlessly, studying Mike’s eyes while they intensely stared at the belt he was fiddling with.

After the leather slid off of the brunette’s hips, Mike crashed their lips together again, keeping hold of the hands overhead.

Mike bit Jeremy’s bottom lip, causing the younger to let out a whine, and graciously opened his mouth to let Mike’s tongue wander. Jeremy ached to touch his boyfriend’s neck or hair, but the fact that he was somewhat restrained turned him on more.

Mike pulled away but remained centimeters from Jeremy’s face as he whispered.

“Couch first?”

The brunette gave a half-lidded nod and small jump to let his significant other pick him up and haul him over to the couch. 

Jeremy loved when Mike picked him up from the front; It made him feel safe and secure, and sometimes really fucking horny. He felt his body slam against the cushions as Mike crawled on top of him and began attacking his neck to leave noticeable marks, ones that Fritz would  _ definitely _ make a point about the next morning. Jeremy let one hand entangle with his boyfriend’s hair, relishing in the feelings he was giving and the other slide to clench the side of the couch cushion.

That’s when his mind went numb, and his eyes shot open. He  _ knew _ what the couch was made out of the second his hand gripped it. Polyester. His breathing started to become more labored and rapid, but not for the reason he wanted it to. The feeling on his neck only added to the horrible relapse he felt. Everything felt so familiar in all the wrong ways, even though they  _ shouldn’t _ have. He was in  _ Mike’s _ arms, in a  _ hotel _ room, and he  _ wanted  _ this.

He  _ wanted _ this.

_ It’s Mike, it’s different, It’s Mike, it’s different, It’s Mike, it’s- _

“Baby? C’mon, breathe with me, Doll,”

Jeremy snapped back into reality as the voice of his boyfriend eased him. A shaky hand was brought to his cheek to feel his own face and become grounded. When he pulled away, he recognized his hand was wet.

_ When did I start crying? _

Jeremy’s breathing was still labored and intense but was slowly coming to a steady rate again. He hadn’t noticed when Mike had sat him up against the armrest and was holding his hand gently, soothingly rolling his thumb over the brunette’s knuckles.

After a few minutes of silence, Mike spoke softly.

“Can you tell me what happened, Doll?”

Jeremy refused to make eye contact but tried to shakily explain what had happened.

“I-It was the mate-material of the couch, it-it’s-” 

Jeremy paused, his breath getting caught in his throat. Mike scooted forward and wrapped his arms around him fully.

“It-It’s polyester. He-I-I ca-can’t do polyester,”

Mike littered soft kisses onto the top of Jeremy’s head, keeping his hold on the boy firm. After giving him a decent amount of time to steady his breath and let his eyes start to dry, Mike moved his hands to Jeremy’s legs and picked him up to move both of them to the bed. The brunette’s body immediately began to relax as it finally set in he was with his boyfriend, his soulmate,  _ Mike _ . Jeremy’s hair was still being lightly combed through and kisses were dotting his shoulders, causing him to laugh and smile for the first time.

“We aren’t doing anything for another half hour at least,” Mike mumbled, moving up to finally kiss Jeremy’s lips. In response, he procured some sort of groan or whine that got the ‘really?’ message across.

Mike was very protective about keeping Jeremy completely and thoroughly comfortable in every aspect, which was especially apparent when he had relapses and flashbacks. Much to the brunette’s chagrin, as most often he  _ did _ want to get over it and continue with whatever they were doing, but he knew Mike was doing what was best for him, so he didn’t actually, seriously mind.

Mike did, indeed, fuck him over every piece of furniture in that room; Minus the couch which remained untouched the entire rest of their visit.

Sex repulsion was par for the course, and fully what Mike had expected for their relationship, but what he hadn’t was the hypersexuality. Some days Jeremy would pounce on him the second he got home with no explanation, or drag him into the back room during work and kiss him until neither could think straight.

Or sometimes, which was the saddest, would be in the middle of the night.

Jeremy’s eyes shot open, feeling his blood coursing through his veins. He needed to prove that he was safe. He needed to prove he was finally okay again. He also, had a raging boner.

Jeremy rolled over in his boyfriend’s arms and mumbled while running his hands through his black hair.

“Babe. Mi-Mike, wake up. Ba-Babe,”

Mike started stirring and groaning at the brunette’s voice. Jeremy began planting sloppy kisses down his neck, moving to straddle Mike.

“Doll, what? Are you okay?” Mike responded, rubbing his eyes, trying to get a better look at his boyfriend.

“I ne-need you, right now-now,” Jeremy removed his mouth from Mike’s neck to look down at him. Mike’s eyes focused enough to fully make out the brunette, and he could vaguely see through the bedroom eyes he was getting and could tell why he was woken at two am. Mike just grinned, moving to hold his love close and started kissing and biting on his neck.

Mike’s suspicions were confirmed, when the only word Jeremy could get out through the time was ‘Mike’, and virtually nothing else. Something he only did when he wanted to reassure who he was with. This was also a time when their possession kink became more apparent and more the central focus of their experiences.

Mike squeezed the hand that was resting on Jeremy’s thigh as he let out another loud laugh echoing off the employee room walls. 

“Okay, but how about Snookums?” Mike smirked, feeling Jeremy dig his head further into his chest with every embarrassing nickname. Mike had been going on for about five minutes with obnoxious nicknames he was ‘suggesting’ for his boyfriend.

“ _ Go-God _ no,”

“Okay, well sweetie-pie?”

“Sweetie is-is-is fine on it’s ow-own!”

“Smoochy-buckets?”

“That one doe-doe-doesn’t even make sen-sense!”

“Sugar baby?”

“Ju-Just because it’s  _ true _ doesn’t mean you-you-you have to say i-it!”

Mike laughed outright at that one, rolling his eyes playfully. The sugar daddy jokes were common between the two and even Chris and Fritz who noticed the degree of spoiled Jeremy was.

“Here, what about something that ties into your name?”

“Wh-What could you poss-possibly do with-”

“ _ Jere-bear!  _ How have I never called you that before?”

Jeremy’s laughter ceased and his chest clenched at the recognized nickname. He had gone by Bear for almost a year during everything. Jeremy couldn’t even focus on Mike’s voice after that, trying to ground himself in his smell and feel. It took him a minute to recognize Mike was apologizing profusely. The brunette looked up at him finally, which cut him off.

“That’s what he called you, didn’t he?”

Jeremy didn’t answer, and instead took a deep breath and pressed into Mike’s chest further.

“It so-sounds better whe-when you say it, anyways,”

Mike softly smiled and held him closer.

For once, something related to Elijah didn’t have such a deep hold on him. Mike noticed and smiled. 

Years later, Jere-bear became another one of the slew of nicknames Mike would occasionally use, and Jeremy no longer flinched at it. Above all, Jeremy was Mike’s Doll, and that was what mattered most.

There were ups, there were downs, and for all the pain Jeremy had endured in his life, the least he deserved was to be happy.

And he was. With Mike, he was so  _ so _ incredibly happy. 

Jeremy had everything he could ever want with Mike, and even through the lows, he always knew his love would be there to help him climb back up.

**Author's Note:**

> Any and all comments are welcomed & appreciated!  
> Seriously, one victim to another if you need help, please feel free to reach out in any way. I'm always a resource for help, even if you just need someone to talk to. I would instantly be at your side.  
> Stay safe!
> 
> -Fia <3
> 
> writing twitter: @/noraneptune_  
> check me out on twt! follow & interact, you'll get a more clear idea of when/what things are coming out, and i also love taking suggestions and just talking to people :]]


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